this is it.

this is it.

after 11 days of struggling, worrying, crying, fighting, contemplating...

i made my choice.

i'm not ready to have sex with him.

...

..

and given the options he has given me...

well, so, anywaz, yesterday at Rose Garden, underneath his black umbrella, i told him i can't be with him anymore, i ended things with him.

i don't feel like giving a full account of our conversation...let's just say there's some yelling, some sighing, and lots of tears...and the last time i check a second ago, the tears are still here.

this is, by far, the hardest thing i ever have to do.

i just hope i made the right choice.

the choice

ok, alright, this is it.
from what happened last night, i see two paths for me to choose..

give in, or give up.

he was really disappointed & upset yesterday, ok?..when i stopped him just before..
and he kept ranting about how i don´t love him enough, that if i really care about him i would just do it, that he has needs and he really wants me.. and how i´m the one person he wants to be with and he never felt that way before.. and this is the right thing to do since we´re a couple..and that everyone else is doing it...and he really wants to take our relationship to a next step, a deeper relationship stuff..

i´m really scared. to be honest, i don´t really want to, i mean...ever since i learned about sex i´ve always planned to do it on my wedding night and just waiting for my very own mr. darcy. but at the same time, i really really like him and i know if i don´t give in soon, i´d hv to give him up.

ohohoh and this girl in my study group was telling me about this christian club she´s in where they are talking about sexual purity & stuff, how according to the bible we shouldn´t hv sex before marriage & stuff. omg so does this mean if i do it right now i´ll burn in h*ll??!!?? but sexual purity??????? it sounds cheesy, like jonas brothers´promise ring.

so..

give in,

or

give up?