this is it.

this is it.

after 11 days of struggling, worrying, crying, fighting, contemplating...

i made my choice.

i'm not ready to have sex with him.

...

..

and given the options he has given me...

well, so, anywaz, yesterday at Rose Garden, underneath his black umbrella, i told him i can't be with him anymore, i ended things with him.

i don't feel like giving a full account of our conversation...let's just say there's some yelling, some sighing, and lots of tears...and the last time i check a second ago, the tears are still here.

this is, by far, the hardest thing i ever have to do.

i just hope i made the right choice.

the choice

ok, alright, this is it.
from what happened last night, i see two paths for me to choose..

give in, or give up.

he was really disappointed & upset yesterday, ok?..when i stopped him just before..
and he kept ranting about how i don´t love him enough, that if i really care about him i would just do it, that he has needs and he really wants me.. and how i´m the one person he wants to be with and he never felt that way before.. and this is the right thing to do since we´re a couple..and that everyone else is doing it...and he really wants to take our relationship to a next step, a deeper relationship stuff..

i´m really scared. to be honest, i don´t really want to, i mean...ever since i learned about sex i´ve always planned to do it on my wedding night and just waiting for my very own mr. darcy. but at the same time, i really really like him and i know if i don´t give in soon, i´d hv to give him up.

ohohoh and this girl in my study group was telling me about this christian club she´s in where they are talking about sexual purity & stuff, how according to the bible we shouldn´t hv sex before marriage & stuff. omg so does this mean if i do it right now i´ll burn in h*ll??!!?? but sexual purity??????? it sounds cheesy, like jonas brothers´promise ring.

so..

give in,

or

give up?

what's going on??

phew... finally the crazy midterm phase is over... i'm so tired.

well...since i started this blog to write about my..um, love life, so to speak... i guess that's what i should talk about. but i really don't know what to say.

yes i have a boyfriend who's totally hot like Ashton Kutcher, so that must mean i am blissfully happy or, usually Elizabeth Bennet's term, completely, perfectly and incandescently happy. and i suppose i am?

it's just...well, we had some issues lately, in the physical department. i kinda feel like we're moving too far too fast...for me, making out is already a really intimate thing. but him, he wants to go further.

in fact, recently he made a couple of attempts to take our relationship to a deeper level, which i'm not really ready for. i mean...well, in my fairytale story, i was going to give my first time on my wedding night...not in the backseats of a car on a Friday night. but...he desires sth different than what i want.

if you, dear reader, are reading this and care about me...can you please PLEASE tell me what i should do. i'm really confused right now... should i just give in and make him happy???.. or risk screwing up this awesome once in a lifetime chance relationship???..

i don't know what i should do...

So anyway, after the second date we went out for two more dates and I had a a great time, it was awesome!!

but it seems like...well at least for the last date...he enjoys kissing me more than listening to me. Which is fine, I mean...i like the kissing, a lot...but I guess, well, I had a really tough week with the midterms & some friends crisis, and...I really want to tell him about it so he can comfort me & stuff...but yeah, the kissing thing?.. love it...um..it's just...i would like to have someone who'll listen to my rants.

Yeah and I did read this blog thing today about how relationships should be based on friendship and good communication, which is not exactly what we are doing, but hey it's just been these two times, it'll get better.

oh & i'm bringing him to “meet the friends” tomorrow, can't wait to show him off!!

update ltr~

2nd date!

What comes after a first date..????.. SECOND DATE!!!!

we've both been really busy with midterms but today we took a couple of hrs out of studying and visited Rose Garden. Yeah it's not really special or romantic but it's convenient!! He got me a chocolate chunk cookie (my fav!) and a french vanilla from Timmy...soooooooo sweet & adorable. So there we sat, hands holding, his other hand laying casually on my thigh, and we just talk & talk.

I feel like we are Julia Roberts & Hugh Grant from Notting Hill... just being totally comfortable with each other & being blissfully happy!!!! ahhhh....

just before he had to run off to class again, he...

…

gave me a kiss!!!!!!

…


…

on the lips!!!!

…

I know 2nd date is a bit early for first kiss.. but that must mean he really really really likes me!!!

Photo Source: Flickr

Date-logue

Sorry for not updating for so long, but it took some time for us to arrange a time for the dessert date~ Anyway, the date-logue

The place was perfect, tiny round tables with candles, soft jazz music in the background.

We shared a lava cake with vanilla ice cream and a crème brulee, which was sweeeeeeeet.

Since we know each other pretty well there wasn't much awkward silence or light talk. We covered the stuff we hv in common (classes, common frds, Canucks, etc) and explored new things about each other. Anyway omg there's so many things that we both like.. and we totally can't stop laughing over the stupidest stuff..

it's the perfect first date.

..and the most perfect part??? halfway thru, he slide his hand over the table and lightly held my hand, not too hard like he's gripping, but enough to show he means it. And we didn't let go for the whole night.

Omg....i am in my own little fairytale.

HE ASKED ME OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He asked me out!!!!! On a Date!!!!
This is the happiest day of my life!!!

So here's what happened:

I ran into him at Buchanan today, I was having lunch and he was skipping class, so we started chatting. Near the end of our conversation, he brought up the subject that chocolate desserts are essential for the changing of seasons into autumn, something about helping to adjust. (never heard that theory before!) But anyway he asked me whether I'd like to try this amazing dessert place with him sometime!!!! I am so shocked that I could only afford to nod but running away!!!!

We are going on a date!!!!!

And you know what's going to happen next??? We are going to fall in love within the first week, kiss on the third date, get engaged within 3 months, married within a year, and live happily ever after!!!!!

.. well maybe not that fast. But I totally know that he's the love of my life, my soulmate, my other half, my fairytale prince!!!!

gosh..what should I wear???????

blah

I guess you guys may start to get a bit bored reading about me blahing about my crush, so I will refrain from it for a bit.

I found this really sweet video, it’s related to this movie I really really really want to watch (preferably with you-know-who), “500 days of summer”. Has anyone watched the movie yet???? is it good????? anyway it’s such a cute video, just want to share it with you guys.

new dress~

I bought the cutest dress today!!! So happy~

I’m going to wear it to the start-of-term dinner tomorrow!!!!!

yeah the neckline is kinda low and when my ma saw it she said it’s too revealing so I have to change into it after I leave the house…but how else is he going to notice me and want ME???

besides, I like the attention I get when I wear dresses like that, guys are just nicer to me and friendlier, it makes me feel attractive and confident. so who cares if I show off a bit more..?

Sick...

Sick…

Have the flu…been sneezing & coughing all day, so I didn’t go to class today.

Instead, I had my mini chick flick marathon ~ 13 going on 30, He’s just not that into you, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Pride & Prejudice, Devil wears Prada…

Yep, that’s my accomplishment of the day, aww-ing and laughing at those awesome love stories, while wishing that I can have my own fairytale..

I mean.. it’s possible he likes me, right?

Fav quote of the week: It’s the story of life. Boy meets girl. Boy gets stupid. Boy and girl live stupidly ever after.

Chapter 2

So excited saw him on the bus today!!!! first time ever!!!!

I usually take the 49 bus from Metrotown to UBC and guess what??!!!! He got on the bus on Oak street!!!! We talked and talked and talked...it was the shortest bus ride ever but also the sweetest, so happy!!!

When we were talking, I can't help but notice his lips look so soft and he has the nicest skin I've ever seen on a guy. If we were totally alone instead of in a crowded bus.. or if he was unconscious (fainted maybe?), then I may have the nerve to touch that pretty skin of his...hmm.. that should be nice...

Btw I am totally not what my friend said I am. Today I was gushing to my friend (whose name I will not disclose) my story of the day (read above if you hv no clue what I am saying), and I was getting so excited about the whole thing.. and guess what she said to me..

YOU KNOW, THAT IS NOT REALLY APPROPRIATE...

wth.. apparently I shouldn't fantasize about dudes and be all obsessed with the physical stuff... that it's not appropriate to see guys as “objects” or whatever.

um.. seriously??? if guys can say to us “nice rack” and all those stuff, well then WHY CAN'T I?? what about all those talk about equality and rights???

so don't worry, my dear readers, it's not like I'm going to listen to my friend, so please stay tune for more juicy details on my gorgeous crush.

‘cause I mean.. you don’t think I’m being inappropriate, do you?????

Gosh I am serious he is so nice to look at~

picture source: flickr

diary of the girl next door

I have a crush on this guy.

A good friend of mine, just this really really really great guy, smart, funny, just all the good qualities stuffed into one person. But uh, I'm pretty sure he's not interested.

I saw him again today at a friend's birthday dinner. To prepare for the dinner, or to prepare my rendez-vous with him (whichever reason you think is more appropriate), I spent so much time finding the perfect top that shows just the right amount of skin and focuses on all the flattering parts of me.

He smiled at me three times during time. I swear he looked so much like Ashton Kutcher when his whole face smiles.

No I'm not obsessed with him. Of course I haven't dream of us being together, or us in any scenarios like the old cliché Titanic pose….but I imagine he should be a good dancer, so maybe someday we can re-enact that dancing on the street scene from the Notebook???????? Or that scene from Pretty Woman…??? Hmm…

And…I haven't witnessed this yet, but I'm pretty sure he has a nice body.

OMG I can't believe I just wrote all that on a blog...whatever..

anywaz i'm going to see him tomorrow, so i hv to go do all the necessary preparation, write again ltr~